I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
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Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
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I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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