Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
