90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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