I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
