Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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