You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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