fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
