Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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