I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
