somebody snuck up and got me drunk
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
