I want to have your abortion
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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