Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
