im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Randomize
