Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
