Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
