Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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