dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
