I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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