His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
