batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
