Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
