so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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