After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
worst night to have a conscience
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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