Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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