I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
