Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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