So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
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Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
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Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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