The maid of honor just puked.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
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Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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