For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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