Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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