There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
