I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
