you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
