I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
