nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
