Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
