I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
