Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
