the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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