okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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