My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
