Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
