the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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