I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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