She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
