I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
they need to just BURY HIM!
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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