my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
