The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
