No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
