i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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