is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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