Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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