maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
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Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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