yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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