if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
