we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
