peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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