a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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