Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
even my farts smell like vagina
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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