if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
