Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
