We named our party play list daddy issues
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
