You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
