Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
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I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
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Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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