I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
