Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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